July 1, 2013 was the day I had my miscarriage. I hadn't seen the words "Pregnant" on a test since and we have tried for over 4 years. November 21, 2017 may be one of the best days of my life {for now - it will be replaced when you arrive} because hope rushed in. You are growing inside of me - and that is a miracle. Its the greatest gift and I will still not have the words to explain all the emotions in my heart... It may burst.
Sweet, sweet redemption. I don't know why daddy and I didn't put it together in the doctor's office... I'm sure it was because staring at your heartbeat on the screen was so overwhelming in and of itself there was no room for any other thoughts.... but baby, you are due the first week of July. F I V E years later.... the Lord has redeemed our mourning and will turn it to dancing. What has been a day, week, month of great sorrow will now be redeemed with life. Your precious life. It will NEVER, ever take away the pain of losing BR#3, but what a beautiful picture of redemption. May God be ever-glorified for this testimony your life will be to us (deeper than anyone will ever, ever fully understand) and to the rest of the world. You will not save us, but you are a picture of the kindness of the God we serve. You life has already been used to bring glory to His name.... because everyone than knows me, knows that YOU are a miracle baby. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm still sick - really just aversions to a lot of things, a racing heartbeat and constant fatigue with the inability to get good sleep. Two nights ago I went to the bathroom six times, I woke up at 12:45am and needed to eat yogurt at 1:30am... and didn't fall back asleep until closer to 2am. You are worth it. I'll be sick for 40 weeks with your heartbeat and body growing inside of me. My belly is growing and I often have to unbutton my pants... or wear a baggy shirt... surreal and I love watching it grow.
Lots of people have learned about you - and the celebrations every time bring me to tears. People thanking Jesus and praising Him for who He is because you are coming.... its been such a joy. You are being prayed for by all your grandparents, the Rives, the Brooks and our life group...... and well, we can't wait to tell Eleanor and Tripper boy about you.... oh my gosh, they are going to be besides themselves in every way. For the last few days they keep asking why I am still sick, so daddy and I think its time for them to know. What a precious way to usher in Christmas time... the best gift the four of us could have ever asked for and received.
As I shared with some friends yesterday, I got a beautiful word that I have been praying in my heart and singing on my lips ever since...
Psalm 40:1, 3, 5
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.
You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
yet they are more than can be told.
Thank you, Jesus. You see me. You see this sweet baby inside of me and You have ordained all of their days. May they be long, and healthy, and bring you great glory.
**Written December 2017
Sweet, sweet redemption. I don't know why daddy and I didn't put it together in the doctor's office... I'm sure it was because staring at your heartbeat on the screen was so overwhelming in and of itself there was no room for any other thoughts.... but baby, you are due the first week of July. F I V E years later.... the Lord has redeemed our mourning and will turn it to dancing. What has been a day, week, month of great sorrow will now be redeemed with life. Your precious life. It will NEVER, ever take away the pain of losing BR#3, but what a beautiful picture of redemption. May God be ever-glorified for this testimony your life will be to us (deeper than anyone will ever, ever fully understand) and to the rest of the world. You will not save us, but you are a picture of the kindness of the God we serve. You life has already been used to bring glory to His name.... because everyone than knows me, knows that YOU are a miracle baby. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm still sick - really just aversions to a lot of things, a racing heartbeat and constant fatigue with the inability to get good sleep. Two nights ago I went to the bathroom six times, I woke up at 12:45am and needed to eat yogurt at 1:30am... and didn't fall back asleep until closer to 2am. You are worth it. I'll be sick for 40 weeks with your heartbeat and body growing inside of me. My belly is growing and I often have to unbutton my pants... or wear a baggy shirt... surreal and I love watching it grow.
Lots of people have learned about you - and the celebrations every time bring me to tears. People thanking Jesus and praising Him for who He is because you are coming.... its been such a joy. You are being prayed for by all your grandparents, the Rives, the Brooks and our life group...... and well, we can't wait to tell Eleanor and Tripper boy about you.... oh my gosh, they are going to be besides themselves in every way. For the last few days they keep asking why I am still sick, so daddy and I think its time for them to know. What a precious way to usher in Christmas time... the best gift the four of us could have ever asked for and received.
As I shared with some friends yesterday, I got a beautiful word that I have been praying in my heart and singing on my lips ever since...
Psalm 40:1, 3, 5
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.
You have multiplied, O Lord my God,
your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
yet they are more than can be told.
Thank you, Jesus. You see me. You see this sweet baby inside of me and You have ordained all of their days. May they be long, and healthy, and bring you great glory.
**Written December 2017
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