So, I intended to write this for the past week, but simply have not had the energy nor the time to scribe my memories, my reactions, my thoughts.... On April 3rd, 2011, I woke up to a flood of emotions - it had been the same, familiar feeling for the past couple of weeks and I was determined to put my mind at ease - I would take a pregnancy test. Almost the same scenario as when I found out I was pregnant with your older sister, I wasn't expecting to be pregnant, but mix nursing and your daddy and I ready to expand our family... I guess I could say that I hoped. So, that Sunday morning we woke up... I fed Eleanor, daddy and she then just played in the living room when I excused myself to go to the bathroom... took the test and all of the sudden a rush of anxiety came over me: What if I am pregnant? What if I am NOT? Regardless of what this stick says, I am super nervous to know how to react... how will BJ react... I decided to make the bed to make the 3 minutes pass quickly. I remember walking back into the bathroom, not wanting to look and yet dying to read what it said: PREGNANT. Tears swell to my eyes now when I think back to that moment... it is like instantly an overwhelming joy filled my entire soul - thank you Jesus for trusting BJ and I with another of your precious miracles, I am so humbled and so grateful to journey down this road again. I remember letting out a little laugh, smile and then wanting so badly to tell BJ but remembering he wanted it to be a surprise. Cue a very long day....
A little later I was rocking Eleanor before her nap, looking down at her precious, 8 month old little face, body, hands, cheeks, curly hair and tears would not stop from flowing... our time with just her is done (that sounds weird and I don't know that I am explaining it well) but we are just getting to know her and now we will be introducing another precious one into the world. Then I started crying thinking about how I never, EVER want to go there again... it is not about Eleanor; it is not about you, dear precious second born; it is all about our family - and we are growing. We are going to be BETTER with you here... Eleanor is going to be a big sister to you and my heart is ecstatic to know that she will never remember life without her little sister or brother. What an amazing blessing... and something I could have never dreamed up in a better scenario.
Sweet one, I pray you stand confident all of your days that you were PRAYED for, you are loved, you are desired, you are the perfect addition to our little family... we cannot wait to grow into a family of four and see all that the Lord has in store.
Lord, protect this baby growing inside of me. Thank you for knowing the exact number of his or her days, when they would make their entrance into this world, knowing that they would be our second child, knowing the timing of it all and for loving him or her more than I do... because my heart already is bursting with LOVE for the little peanut inside of me, again. Thank you for trusting BJ and I, for so graciously bestowing on us children to raise, may we never for a moment take one of their days for granted.
.... so about a week has gone by, and for a moment this pregnancy was quite different than with Eleanor. But then on Tuesday, the same old symptoms hit... so here I am nauseous, nauseous, and more nauseous. I started taking Zofran yesterday to curb some of the "morning" sickness and it helps for a bit... I have also found myself extremely emotional, tired and somewhat irritable due to my desire to vomit almost every hour. Little one, you. are. worth. every. second. of. it. We love you....
A little later I was rocking Eleanor before her nap, looking down at her precious, 8 month old little face, body, hands, cheeks, curly hair and tears would not stop from flowing... our time with just her is done (that sounds weird and I don't know that I am explaining it well) but we are just getting to know her and now we will be introducing another precious one into the world. Then I started crying thinking about how I never, EVER want to go there again... it is not about Eleanor; it is not about you, dear precious second born; it is all about our family - and we are growing. We are going to be BETTER with you here... Eleanor is going to be a big sister to you and my heart is ecstatic to know that she will never remember life without her little sister or brother. What an amazing blessing... and something I could have never dreamed up in a better scenario.
Sweet one, I pray you stand confident all of your days that you were PRAYED for, you are loved, you are desired, you are the perfect addition to our little family... we cannot wait to grow into a family of four and see all that the Lord has in store.
Lord, protect this baby growing inside of me. Thank you for knowing the exact number of his or her days, when they would make their entrance into this world, knowing that they would be our second child, knowing the timing of it all and for loving him or her more than I do... because my heart already is bursting with LOVE for the little peanut inside of me, again. Thank you for trusting BJ and I, for so graciously bestowing on us children to raise, may we never for a moment take one of their days for granted.
.... so about a week has gone by, and for a moment this pregnancy was quite different than with Eleanor. But then on Tuesday, the same old symptoms hit... so here I am nauseous, nauseous, and more nauseous. I started taking Zofran yesterday to curb some of the "morning" sickness and it helps for a bit... I have also found myself extremely emotional, tired and somewhat irritable due to my desire to vomit almost every hour. Little one, you. are. worth. every. second. of. it. We love you....
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