Skip to main content

Dad's Xmas Gift

Word!
5 calls to the Peditrician
4 hours sleep (in a 24 hr. period)
3 gasping, chokings
2 sick babies
And a restless heart for the night...

I start you all off with this familiar song of the season to help contextualize our recent lives. My and Karen's anxiety and stress has risen greatly over the last few days due to Eleanor's double ear infection and sinus 'stuff' Tripp has come to have. We have argued, prayed, asked for help, resisted help, googled, argued, prayed... it's kinda like shampoo. Rinse and repeat.

One huge frustration of mine these last several days has been Eleanor's appetite, or lack there of. She lost 1.5 lbs since our last visit to the hospital, a couple weeks before Tripp was born. People, she only weighed 19 lbs to start, and she's 16 months old. In reality she runs around all day like a crazy woman, talks a lot and then crashes for a nap, wakes up, runs around the rest of the day... shampoo. But as she began to get sick she lost her appetite and started giving us the stiff arm to food, literally. Being her dad I heard the news of weight loss and thought, I'll fix this. I will take the responsibility completely of getting her to eat. How can a baby out-last, out-wit and out-maneuver her dad? I have a college degree. I can not get my daughter to drink 8 ozs. of chocolate milk. CHOCOLATE. Frustration is the tip of the iceberg. I actually got angry at my loss of control. My sin became real and apparent. I'm having a problem with the gospel.

I am dissatisfied with what is happening in my life right now. God is not receiving from me worship, but distant indifference. I am not wrong to want health for my kids. It is a fantastic prayer to ask for healing and remedy. But, if I ask to move out of any situation with out asking what am I supposed to learn about God I am missing the point of life. My kids are not sick because God is distant, vengeful or indifferent. They are sick to get me to experience a more full life with X. This time in our lives ordained by God is to have me at a computer contemplating how neglectful I've truly been of the lord the last weeks. And to then move me to change. On the extreme pendulum instant health or momentary death may be only a breath away. But in the practice of regular Xian living I am missing the mark. What has escaped my thoughts, prayers and beliefs until this very night are the words of Jesus when tempted by satan.
"Man shall not live by bread alone, but every word the proceeds from the mouth of God".
Eleanor will likely eat well again. Tripp will breathe easy and be free of snot. But I will never have this time back to be obedient to God. If God is who He says he is, believe Him. So be it.
Labels:

Comments

B said…
sometimes i write really great insightful stuff. i needed to here me just now.
May 29, 2013 at 7:32 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jackson Hole Rector Family Favorites

We love to travel - honestly, can never get enough of it and hope to see so much of this big ole' world in this lifetime. Because we are not professional travelers (but like, can I sign up for that?) we have limited time and resources just like most people do. I LOVE to explore new places - cities, countries, cultures and we need to get to it if we want to even scratch the surface of globe trotting. There are, however, a few places that continue to call us back over and over again.... one, Hawaii: another post for another time, but we have been so fortunate to go almost annually with BJ's parents since I met and married him. What a gift we will never take for granted! We have so many fun memories, moments and suggestions for Maui and Kauai, but that I'll save that for another day. two, Jackson Hole: our very favorite summer destination. I cannot imagine growing tired of the Grand Tetons and this little spot of the country is our dose of heaven on earth. We've traveled a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Where'd You Go, Bernadette?

THE OVER-SHARER SHARES AGAIN   For the very small handful of people who have asked, I’m answering to the masses (err, bigger handful). On February 1, I decided to take a social media fast. Our church was challenging us to a 21-day fast and I chose to fast not from food but from something else I had been looking to for satisfaction, delight or distraction. Here we are at the beginning of summer, and with the exception of popping on to facebook to check in with my business partners, I have found great freedom stepping away from social media (right now). Currently, I don’t have a plan to return, but I also know that I should never say never…. …Watch me pop right back in and eat crow in mere moments if I was to say I would be off of it forever. Honestly, social media has been a beautiful thing for me personally, and professionally, for well over a decade. It has allowed me to authentically and organically share my passions, ask my questions, get and give referrals, build and reconn...
Post a Comment
Read more

12 years later.

Tonight, 12 years ago, I enrolled as a Rodan + Fields consultant. I’ve shared so many times about my journey and how I am still taken by surprise for that level of bravery to embark on a professional journey I was so scared to do. Today, on what should be the celebration of my Rodanniversary, has instead turned out to be one of the most surreal, painful, and grief-filled moments of my entire life. The Rector’s livelihood was taken away in an instant with a restructuring of R+F’s business model… I woke up today having no clue I would be receiving this news and am finishing the day pinching myself to see if I am really and truly experiencing this nightmare.  I have one million thoughts and none at all at the exact same time. Tonight, after processing the reality for myself and with BJ, we chose to sit Eleanor and Tripp down to have the impossible conversation with them - one we genuinely never dreamed could ever come about. And I never want to forget what we talked about around our d...
Post a Comment
Read more